No one is organized and has it all together, all of the time. Even if externally, they appear to have everything together, you have no idea what’s going on internally, in their mind. Today was one of those days for me. In fact, the last few days have been. I’d been wanting to go out for a while and finally had a chance to do so this past Saturday. I had a lovely time, with great people, great food and a beautiful environment.
On Sunday, I was asked to go out again and I jumped at the chance. Being out in the fresh air with a change of scenery was a welcome addition to the fun I’d had the previous day. I figured I’d only be gone a few hours but a few hours turned into all day, which wasn’t expected. By the time I returned home I was exhausted. I had a great time but got nothing done that I wanted to get done around my home because I was tired. Putting my new plant stand on the front porch, planting my plant starts in their temporary beds, making homemade mouthwash, straining my tinctures that were ready to be bottled, coming up with this weeks menu, putting my new wall stickers on the wall and de-weeding the garden bed and more would have to wait until Monday.
As Monday rolled around, I focused on a few of the things I wasn’t able to do. But the more I tried the more I realized my body still needed rest. Through the years I’ve learned to honor my need for rest because if I don’t I’ll be forced to rest. Time after time when I used to overwork myself, I’d end up with an illness that made me rest. The lesson in that was to slow day, take my time and honor myself. Instead of tackling my to do list I chose to only do the things that were necessary. I made sure my children were on track with their work for homeschool, I prepared a few simple meals, and I rested. I tapped into my intuition and the energy of this Moon Day Monday and just let it flow.
Tuesday approached and I felt my energy return to it’s almost normal place. Days like this while I’m more active I pace myself. If I overdo it, I can easily go back into an energy deficit. It seemed like everyone else was full of energy as well. Tuesdays are generally more of an action day all around. Astrologically, Tuesday is Mars Day, the day of action. Even those that are unaware of the current energies are affected by the energy. So it’s generally a busier day. Because of this I was torn between professional and personal duties. I question what I should do first. Balance in all things is one of my life’s missions so I did a bit of each.
As Wednesday morning arose I found myself with the same situation on my mind. Should I start with my personal home needs or start with the professional needs? I felt myself on the brink of overthinking, which can lead to mental exhaustion if I’m not careful. Through healing, learning myself and doing my personal shadow work, when I feel overwhelmed and begin to overthink, I’ve learned to stop and do nothing. It’s like hitting the pause button mentally. I take a few deep breaths and center myself. Allowing myself to be in the present moment until I feel the stillness, mentally, emotionally and physically. Then as I’m clear the answer comes to me.
That’s how I operate today, but in the past I would be one overwhelmed, anxious, ball of frustration. My mind would race, I’d not know what to do, I’d be upset because there were so many demands on me. My mind and emotions needed to be regulated so that I could learn how I worked best. I had to learn how to manage my needs before everyone else’s. I used to put myself on the back burner, thinking if I took care of everyone else first, then I’d get to what I needed to do. More times, then not, by the time I got to what I needed to do, I was too tired to put in any effort for myself. That’s changed now.
Through years of healing work, shadow work, and inner work, I learned how to nurture and nourish myself. Many people may think it’s selfish to put yourself first but it’s not. When you learn who you are , when you heal emotionally, heal mentally, heal shadows and do your inner work, you’re not only doing it for yourself, you’re doing this for your children and all those affected by you. You give of yourself much better when you have taken care of the very core of your being.
I’ve been teaching about self care since 2016 when I used to help women overcome the superwoman syndrome. Now self care has turned into getting your nails done, shopping and other personal hygiene and maintenance areas. While those things are great and should be done, true care of self is within. It’s not always pretty. It’s healing. It’s facing all sides of yourself. Its intentionally. It’s recognizing who you are and honoring your story, the light and the dark side. It’s realizing that you have a part and a say in creating your version of a dream life. It’s releasing victimhood and embracing being the hero in your story. Shadow work and inner work are not always about the deep traumas. It’s recognizing that healing and shadow work come in many forms at different levels. Ultimately, it’s applying the personal work you’ve done to your everyday life.
Shadow work and inner work helped me tremendously the past few days. Because of it, I recognized my needs. I realized how far I’d come from my past ways of pushing through to now honoring myself and my need for rest without apology or excuses. I’m a real woman with real life experiences that I’ve healed from and that have helped me elevate my self worth, self respect, self value and self love. I share who I am with the intention of you seeing parts of your experience in my story. I’d love to help you heal your shadows and do your own inner work. My book, Embracing Your Shadow: A Practical Guide To Identifying, Healing and Integrating Your Dark Side Through Shadow Work, is a simple way to begin your personal healing journey.
Love,
Ashley
